Evil Tree Spirits…If I promise to knock on wood next time, will you give me a break . . . Please?!

I’m starting to become superstitious. I think our ancestors knew something that we don’t. They warned us that bad things happen in threes. They warned us to knock on wood (have you ever wondered where that came from? I have. So I consulted my trusty friend google and it told me that it is to keep the evil spirits that live in trees from hearing, lest they take away our good luck or to keep the tree gods from hearing and thinking that our pridefulness needs to be brought down a peg or two) to prevent our good luck from souring into bad. They warned us not to jinx ourselves.

tree spirits

But what did they know? They’re just old fashioned and unenlightened. We, being so much more advanced, don’t believe in such archaic myths. We are beyond that. Smarter than that. They’re just primitive–and more importantly–wrong.

Or are they?

I know that I feel like I have a great big cosmic bullseye affixed to the front of my “Sons of Anarchy” t-shirt (yes, I am dressed like Gemma from that hit show to portray them and their drug smuggling, gun toting ways as villains for spirit week here at my high school. How many of your high school teachers dressed up like biker babes?! I think I should score a few cool factor points on this one.). I must have forgotten to knock on wood when I shared how much better I am enjoying this school year teaching my Sophomore classes. I must have forgotten to ward against jinxes when I shared how much better my son was doing at school. I must have forgotten to not allow my contentedness with life to be too obvious. The tree spirits heard, and they retaliated.

tree spirit attack

Both of our water heaters broke at the same time last week. Not too big of a deal unless you live in a place like, oh, let’s say Texas– where the flood plane is too high, and where there is too much clay in the soil, and where flash floods are so common, that we can’t have basements.

Where do you put water heaters if you can’t put them in a basement because you don’t have one? The attic, of course! Duh! Silly you! We don’t want anyone to see them after all. No one will see them up there. It’s the perfect place!

Ummm, okay architect genius who came up with that idea . . . did you not take into account the fact that water heaters have a shelf life and are prone to start leaking when they corrode, and by the very nature of being out of sight, they often leak without detection, until they leak so badly that it, quite literally, starts pouring from the ceiling?!?!?!?!?

Yes, that’s right. Pouring from the ceiling. That is what my children came home to on Friday. Ceilings that had actually collapsed from the water pouring down, beautiful wood floors that were already warping, and carpets that squished when you walked. Fun times!

ceiling

Thank God for insurance companies! They set us up in a hotel for a week until they could dry things out. They even insisted on a hotel with a kitchenette for our convenience. But then it came time to check out, and, oops! They hadn’t quite remembered to send that check on time so, “Sorry! You’ll just have to cover that on your own for now! We’ll reimburse you!”

Ummm . . . $1000 hotel bill plus a $1500 bill for a newly installed water heater . . . I don’t know about you, but we don’t have that kind of cash lying around so financial crisis ensues. Ho–ly–Crap!!!

Being a silver lining kind of girl, I take my best friend up on a girl’s night out to take my mind off of it all. This will be good. I’ll get to see a preview of the movie “Gone Girl” with one of my favorite people. Just what I need.

Where is that damn wood when I need it! If only I had had some to knock on!

lurking

Just as I tried to leave my school to head to the Angelika, the heavens opened and burst. My drought dry land was all of a sudden Venice. I think I could have gotten there faster on foot. Even running to the car with my head covered, I still managed to get sopping wet, and then I had to sit in traffic for a good 2+ hours only to arrive at the wrong location (thank you GPS). By the time I finally got to the theater, it was too late to eat, so we had to make a dinner of popcorn. I love popcorn and all, but not really what I had in mind for dinner!

But all’s good. I was with my awesome friend who I hadn’t seen in far too long, and I was getting to see one of the most anticipated movie screenings of the year. Lucky me!

WHERE is that damn wood when I need to knock on it!

Great friend, great movie, feeling better . . . and then the lady sitting next to me got up. She got up and quite literally dumped an entire coke in my just finally dried from the spontaneous flood lap. From shoulder to foot, I was covered with cold, wet, sticky coke.

The fitting end, to a fitting week. So apt. Almost poetic really. How could I be upset? It was the epitomy, the concrete portrayal, of my week–quite literally getting dumped on. It couldn’t have been penned better.

Surely, it’s over. At last. It’s a fitting ending, so that means it’s the end, right?

Dammit! Where is that wood!

Excuse me, while I take this phone call . . .

“What? My daughter ran into the door on her way into school this morning? Did you say concussion watch?! What the *&%^$#@#@@#$$%!”

knockonwood

That’s it. Our ancestors KNEW something. Bad things come in threes (or tens) and I am never again going to forget to knock on wood. Jeez already! I learned my lesson now back the *&%$ off! 😉

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