I love my Husband but . . . .

Have you ever noticed that it’s the little things in marriage that get to you? The things that maybe you found cute or quirky when you were first together start seeming, well, annoying, after years of exposure. The indulgent smile is replaced by a grimace, the laugh by outright anger.

For me, it’s my husband and his socks. They’re literally all over the house. I’ll find one in the kitchen and one in the dining room, one under the coffee table and one on the steps. When we were first married, I would laugh; it was so absurd. Now, after so many years and after having to clean up after all the little people in my life, it doesn’t seem so cute anymore.

But, if I’m completely honest, the tables could easily be turned. You see, I am NOT a morning person. Not even a little bit. If you try to talk to me in the morning, at the best all you’re going to get is grunts, at the worst . . . well, I usually can stifle my impulse to tell you to go away or shut up, but I might just glare at you and hope you take the hint. If you try to give me a hug, my instinct is to shove you away. In other words, “Leave me alone until I have a cup of coffee for crying out loud!!”

The only problem is, even after eleven years of marriage to this very grumpy morning person, my husband still expects me to magically wake up one morning and be a chipper, chatting morning person. Not gonna happen!

This morning, he decided he was going to try to get me out of it. He tried jokes, he tried acting silly. He tried affection. He and Gavin even put oreos on their eyes and pretended to be zombies who were going to come after me, which any other time of day I would have found quite entertaining. In the morning, all it got was a grunt and a roll of the eyes.

The truth is it left him feeling angry and frustrated and me feeling exasperated at the fact that even after so many years, he doesn’t understand me enough to just back off and let me be me in the morning.

I’m sure he found it quite cute when we first got together, kind of like him and the socks. I can tell the cuteness has worn off and now it’s just terribly annoying, and yet, I’m honest enough with myself to acknowledge that this one isn’t going to change. He’s going to have to find a way to live with it . . . kind of like me and the socks I guess.

Marriage is full of compromise. We hear that one all the time and it’s true. But it’s also about patience and acceptance, even when we’d much rather the person just change.

The way I look at it, the annoying stuff is only about 5% of my husband. The other 95% is everything I love about him. It’s only when I allow that 5% to loom large and get out of focus that things become hard.

Most marriages break up over the 5% and yet, the reality is, everybody is going to have that 5%; it just takes a while before you see it! So, if I expect him to accept the things I can’t change, maybe I’d better extend the same grace to him.

Now there’s a thought! 🙂

What are the once endearing giants you now struggle with in your own relationships? What do you do to get those giants to shrink back down to dwarfish size?


13 thoughts on “I love my Husband but . . . .

  1. I have the exact same problem. My husband, for the last 12 years, has left his socks all around. I used to be annoyed that I was the one to pick them up, then I realized what you did, that if that’s his worst flaw I’m pretty blessed. Now I throw my socks on the ground too. This way when i pick up mine, it’s not such a big deal to just grab his too 🙂 Evey now and then it still gets to me, but I’m sure i have worse things that brother him 🙂

  2. Hmmmm, my husband is a champ pack rat- drives me crazy! He also talks out his thinking process~ that I’ve learned to just listen and not freak out at everything he says because chances are he is just processing this thoughts. To deal when these things drive me crazy, I’ve found that getting rid of something small of his on the sly works, relaxing and letting him talk, and if all else fails, hot make-up sex is ALWAYS a good idea. 🙂

    • Aaron processes his ideas out loud, kind of like a big brain storming seesion. Being the Miss Conservative Practical PLanner that I am, I have a strong tendency to get totally freaked out, so I totally know where you’re coming from there! On the other hand, I tend to be the pack rat (though not as bad as Gavin) which I know he gets annoyed with. 🙂 You never know when you might end up using something again! 🙂

  3. So true, many marriages don’t compromise and break up over the 5%. We have been married for 28 years, and we have some things that conflict. But we just accept them/work around them. Oreos and zombies, that is so hilarious! Very cute blog! Keep up the great work!

  4. LOL!!!! I love this post, like someone rightly said, I think men and socks are a universal thing. Gosh, now I feel so much better about my hubby’s socks. Totally relate with the 5% theory, I tell myself best to keep eyes on the 95%!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s